Alannah Guevara

What is a man? (and other transfeminist koans)

What is a man?

Adam: What is a woman?
Eve: What is a man?
Adam: I am a man, now what is a woman?
Lillith, to Eve: I’d be happy to show you.

He’s got the spirit

Luna is the first trans woman that Jacob has ever dated. A few months into their relationship, Luna and Jacob are sitting on the couch and watching television together. Suddenly, Luna turns to Jacob and requests that he go out and buy her some ice cream right now. Jacob happily obliges and hurries out of the house.

A few minutes later, Jacob sends Luna several picture messages featuring various boxes of pads and tampons along with the question: Which ones did you want, again?

Self-therapy

When I came out to my therapist he asked, “Do you believe that you were born in the wrong body?”
I said, “No, I was born in my body.”

Love like a woman

One afternoon, an Elder Fag was teaching an inexperienced trans woman the various methods of tucking. In response to the trans woman’s complaints of pinching, the Elder Fag had this to say: “If you never learn to tuck like a woman, then how will you learn to fuck like a woman?” Taken aback, the trans woman responded: “Certainly not from you.”

Pickles

Lily purchased a jar of pickles prior to her transition but is keeping it sealed until her transition is complete. When will the jar be opened?

The secret to success

Emily: Alice, how did you grow such plump, rounded breasts?
Alice: Water and sunlight.

Liberation

One day, an enthusiastic, young feminist approached a philosophy professor to ask this question: “Which matters more, sex or gender?”

“Well,” the professor replied scratching her head, “that often depends on the situation. Can you be more specific?”

The young feminist pondered for a moment before qualifying the question: “When it comes to liberation, which matters more?”

“What do you mean by ‘liberation?’” asked the professor.

“Liberation! You know, freedom and the pursuit of happiness!” The young feminist was becoming outwardly annoyed with the philosophy professor’s seeming avoidance of an answer.

After taking a few moments to think, the professor suddenly shot up from her chair and began to walk away. Taken aback, the young feminist called out: “Where are you going?”

Over her shoulder, the professor replied, “I am leaving. You can decide whether it was my sex or my gender that liberated me from this conversation.”

A change in marital status

Silvia shared the news of her wife’s transition with her coworkers. One person asked, “If your husband becomes your wife, does that then make you her husband?” Silvia replied, “No, it makes us both happy.”

Three trans women discuss the potential effects of taking estrogen

“I heard that going on estrogen helps to redistribute the fat in your body.”
“I heard that it only affects where new fat is deposited.”
“Well, I heard that every body is different.”

Approval

Katie, a popular trans rights activist, was organizing a protest against a trans panic bill that would effectively allow a disgruntled party to claim deceit if a trans person does not disclose their gender assigned at birth prior to engaging in sexual intercourse.

Two days before the protest, Katie received a concerned message from an attendee seeking approval for a slogan. It read:

FUCK US OR FIGHT US! YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH!

Katie approved of the slogan. During the protest, she took a good look at the people in support of the bill. She then proceeded to seek out the slogan, scratch out BOTH and in its place she wrote EITHER.

In the flesh

Anon: Wearing women’s clothes won’t make you a woman.
Emma: You’re right. I’m also a woman when I’m nude.