Arushi Rege

cw: abuse, body horror

mama says she wants her body back, darling

& she wants your hair cut & black buttons in
your eyes & she wants her cake cut nicely,
blood oozing out of it. mama told me she wanted
her darling back & wanted to rid herself of the
ghost haunting her child & her child’s perfect
little lover:
black eyes black hair brown skin – girl
mama says she wants good little desi children
& not the queer little thing her child is not
knives stabbed through hearts & blood dotting
alongside guts we never had to tell mama
my lover is woman my lover is divine my lover
is the devil & hell & love & heaven & god’s finest
angel & my love is everything –
but darling, mama wants her body back
& mama wants her baby back & mama
wants you to throw up the ghost & mama
wants your perfect little lover gone & mama
my perfect little lover is woman is divine is mine
is queer like me – but darling mama wants
her body back & wants your body back & wants
to sew black buttons in your eyes like mama
did to coraline & darling mama wants her
body back so she wants your worst fears back
& wants your hair grown & wants you to drown
& wants your lover dead & mama wants her cake cut
nicely, with blood oozing out of it except mama wants
her cake cut with your blood –
because black eyes black hair brown skin – girl
means that desi children can’t be queer & mama spits
those words out like she’s never tasted anything
worse & tells me she can only love me if
my lover’s a boy because –
mama wants her body back and
i’m the ghost haunting her, because she can’t love
me like this, when my hair is cut short &
i’m queer with black hair & black eyes &
brown skin & a lover who’s the
greatest angel of a god i can’t believe in
anymore, but my lover’s a woman & this
is why mama wants her body back